Meet The Staff Behind LC Onion

There has been a lot of skepticism behind who the authors of LC Onion could possibly be. Rumors and names have been tossed around the halls of Lake Central since the release of the first story; and we are here to set the facts straight. Today marks the end of the era of poorly written satirical articles about the daily life at Lake Central. Today, we reluctantly present to you the authors and staff of the Lake Central Onion.

Sam Willis

Co-Writer, Designated Driver Drinker, District Configuration Strategist 

Samuel "Swillis" Willis lives a secluded life in his bedroom, where he drowns his sorrows in gallons of assorted alcoholic beverages and pounds of beef jerky. After his dreams of being a professional race car driver were shattered, much like his Ford Focus, Willis switched gears and headed towards a different approach to life. His life took a 180 degree turn when he meet his fiancee, Caitlyn Jenner. Much like Jenner, Willis had to explore his sexuality to find his true meaning in life, and after several vasectomies, he found out his true passion in life was bird feeding. Today, you could find Swillis in your local neighborhood park tossing unsolicited  fragments of junk he found in nearby trashcans, in hopes to catch the attention of one lonely bird to make his mate.

"They misunderestimated me." -Sam Willis

Colin Chenoweth

Co-Writer, Local Two-Timing Philanderer, Forward Optimization Facilitator 

Colin "Douchebag" Chenoweth joins us from his humble home in Portage, IN, where he started the first several years of his life with ambition to be a typical redneck. With a tobacco addiction starting at the mere age of 27 months, Chenoweth began joining dip spitting competitions across the nation. At the age of 6 years old, he won his first National Championship against former champions Robert E. Lee and Ricky Bobby, when he killed two full grown grizzlies with a single spit of dip from 7 kilometers away. However, after Chenoweth received numerous DUIs, his passion for banging his cousins and growing below average corn slowly faded away and was replaced with a newfound passion: STDs. His new goal was to acquire every STD known to mankind, so he knew there was only one place to go to completely fulfill his dream, Lake Central. Chenoweth quickly transferred to the home of the Indians where he began obtaining STDs in the bathroom stalls and using the excuse of "no friends" to cover what his true scheme was. He now just bangs girls on the reg.  

"Exit Quote" -Colin Chenoweth 

Nikola Tepsic

Co-Writer, Resident Escaped Zoo Animal, Legacy Operations Technician

Nikola "Who?" Tepsic bravely swam his way from the filthy stain of Europe that some call "Serbia," to further his education but unfortunately for him he ended up at Lake Central High School instead. Now, after being acquainted to the American lifestyle, Nikola now has a strong lust for lifted trucks and women clad in neon orange and real tree camouflage. In a simple day in the life of Nikola Tepsic you can find him chugging beer and whipping pennies at students in the parking lots of local elementary schools. After whipping the pennies at young boys, Tepsic quickly swoops in to steal their adolescent girlfriends always saying the same thing "Hey, I think I'm having a party this weekend you should come through," but always cancels on the day of. On his free time, Tepsic enjoys being curved by girls and pretending he is on the soccer team.  

"How could you drink a drink but not food a food?" -Nikola Tepsic

Together this ambiguously gay trio has left a stain on the underpants that we call Lake Central with their poorly organized, incredibly dry, and the least funny stories that LC has ever seen. This triad of incompetent and overly confident shit-heads want to sincerely apologize for the horribly written content that they have subjected to each and every one of you.