Mr. Tobias Discusses New Ways to Make LC More of a 'Living Hell'

After many successful attempts to make Lake Central the most uncomfortable and miserable place to attend high school, principal Robin Tobias is trying to implement new ways to make kids hate school even more.

Tobias is known for constantly turning down the temperature in the cafeteria, creating the matrix schedule, and then adding a self reflection during the matrix two. "I know it's freezing tits in there," Tobias says. "The cafeteria is as cold as my heart."

Though these strategies are proven to work, Tobias is constantly looking for new ways to make students hate school. "Kids seem to like sporting events, so those will be gone pretty soon," says Tobias. "We plan on replacing the athletic office with a Freshman labor factory. The Freshman will be producing uniforms which we will then sell back to students." Tobias also plans on inviting the Westboro Baptist Church in to give mandatory sermons every Monday and Friday before school. 

"It's disheartening when we hear that students still have school spirit when we try so hard to make this as bad as an experience as possible," says Tobias. "We hope by the end of next year we will not only have replaced the weight room with a second, shittier, library but also have brought back I-Step to all students K-12," says Tobias as he describes just one way to make his school less welcoming.

We asked Tobias where his inspiration comes from when it comes to making little kids sad, "I've always had a passion for making kids cry. When deciding a career, I toyed around with the idea of being a dentist or a clown but I knew the only way to get the most satisfaction out of my job I'd have to become a principal."